Some Scars Don't Heal
by pineapplefreak
Summary: R finds that once Death grabs hold of you, it never truly lets go. One shot.


**I haven't read the book, only seen the movie, which I thought was pretty awesome. So all my information comes from there. I'm pretty sure that there are some differences between the two, so all of you who ****_have _****read the book- well, you've been warned.**

* * *

R was wandering through the airport, his feet shuffling against the concrete floor. All around him, other lifeless bodies were doing the same thing. Their eyes were deadened; there was no life in them, no light. When R caught his reflection in a window, he saw he was the same way.

_This isn't right, _he thought. _Why am I back here? Where's Julie?_

R touched his chest, searching for the heartbeat he knew was there, that_ had _to be there. But he felt nothing.

_No… This can't be happening…_

But it was. He knew it was, because as R stood there staring at his pale, dead, face, he felt an insatiable hunger growing within him.

A hunger for flesh.

* * *

R opened his eyes, breathing heavily, finding himself entangled in his blankets. Quickly he got up, stumbling into the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and touched his face. Human blue eyes, warm skin. But he had to be sure. There was a razor sitting next to the sink. R picked it up and slashed it across his finger. There was a flash of pain, followed by blood welling out of the cut. R let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

_Dead people don't bleed, _he thought.

"R?" A voice behind him said.

He looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of Julie standing in the doorway. Her eyes were drawn to his finger and he quickly tried to wash away the blood, but she had already seen it.

"What are you doing, R?" she questioned, coming to stand next to him.

For a second he couldn't get out the first word, which sent another spike of panic through him. But then he managed to say, "It's nothing, Julie. Go back to sleep."

But Julie wasn't fooled. She took his arm and led him back into the other room where they sat on his bed. "Tell me," she said, looking straight at him.

"Nothing…" R murmured again. She raised an eyebrow. "It was just a stupid nightmare," he admitted.

"What about?"

He looked away.

"R-"she began.

"I was dead again," he whispered, interrupting her. "I had no heartbeat, I couldn't feel, I couldn't speak…" his voice trailed off.

"But… that was a year ago. You're human now, R," she said. "You can forget about that."

"You don't understand!" R stood up quickly, suddenly angry. "You were never infected, Julie! You don't know what it feels like to be dead, what it is to be one of us-" his voice broke.

"Don't say 'us'," she pleaded with him. "You're not one of them anymore, you're not a corpse."

R let out a short laugh, harsh and bitter. "The corpse in me never leaves, Julie. Not completely."

She had nothing to say to that.

"I just need some time," he said, hurrying out of the room. He left the house and walked into the chilly morning air. No matter how he was feeling, he always appreciated this. Breathing, real breathing, not just the memory of it. He broke into a run through the streets, not stopping until he reached the home of his best friend.

"Marcus!" he yelled, pounding on the door."Marcus! Mar-" he was cut off when an irritated Marcus pulled open the door..

"R! What-" he stopped when he saw the look on his face, and opened the door wider. "Come on in."

R entered and went through to the living room where he fell back into the couch. "Where's Emily?" he asked.

"Upstairs in the bed," Marcus replied. "I'm still not used to it, I prefer the floor. What brings you here, R?"

"I just… I needed someone else. Someone else who knows."

Marcus nodded in understanding and sat down next to him. "Nightmares?" he asked quietly.

"You get them too?" R said, glancing at him.

"We all do," Marcus said, rubbing his neck. "All the formerly dead."

"I thought I would be able to forget about it," said R.

"No, you don't forget something like that," Marcus said. He let the truth of those words sink in for a moment before turning to face R fully and saying, "But listen, R. We get more human every day. I can feel it." He touched his chest, right over his heart. "And I think that if we just keep trying to be human and help those poor saps who are still just wandering around and looking for life, we _can_ be normal. And everything we were before will just be a distant, unpleasant memory."

For a moment they sat in thoughtful silence as the first rays of the sun began to filter through the windows. Then, with a half smile, R said, "Thanks, Marcus. I'll remember that."

R left Marcus' house and went to a park where he could be alone. As he stood on a bridge over a stream a couple holding hands walked by. He watched them pass, and noticed something in the trees behind them. When he moved closer, he saw a zombie huddled up against a tree. He was just a kid, really, a teenager. He reminded R of himself.

R felt something stir inside of him, a warmth mixed with sadness. He realized what the feeling was: he wanted to help this boy. He walked over to the corpse, who looked up at him.

"Hey," R said. "Are you… are you okay?"

_Dumb question,_ he thought. _He's dead! Of course he's not okay!_

The kid spoke haltingly, as all corpses do. "I… want… to feel…" He looked over at where the couple was just disappearing around a corner.

"I understand," R said. "I know exactly how you feel." Then after a brief silence, he asked, "Do you remember your name?"

"I remember… it started… with an L…"

"Well," R smiled and held out his hand. After staring at it in wonder for a moment, the boy slowly reached out and took it. "That's the first step."

* * *

**Not quite up to my usual standard but hey, I don't think that was half-bad.**


End file.
